I suppose this is something that has become fairly obvious to the people I’ve managed to play with in the past year, but as of the turn of the year, it has become clear that I will have to say goodbye to journal roleplaying.
It’s already April, and it’s a mix of finding time, finding the words, and finding the heart to actually put this in black and white. I suppose some would find it simple to put into one sentence, but I feel that “I’m no longer roleplaying” doesn’t do enough to how I truly feel about this.
I have stubbornly tried to hold on to the hobby. Like many aspects in life, the thing that keeps you going despite hardships are the people you have come to meet. In the 4+ years of roleplaying, I have met many other players, and I have become blessed to have some of them remain as online buddies; and some, even became my fond friends. This is something out of RP that I will never leave behind just like that, even if a good number have flitted out of my radar once I’m no longer playing with them. It happens. I’m just really thankful for those who stayed.
There are things that, I admit, I am happy to leave behind: the droning presence of wankgate, the constant need for ooc attention that I can never provide, bad and bland playing; but the things that bring me happiness and satisfaction overpower those, such as the satisfaction of bringing a thread to a close, the excitement over a new plot, the anticipation of new CR or where a CR will be lead, the behind-the-scenes work; I’ll miss the gems I found in the meme communities and I’m thankful to them for bearing with me despite my slow… All of these made even greater, because you’re working with people over something you are all quite passionate about.
Of course, we all regard RP differently — but surely, there has to be that something that makes you stay. I liked exploring possibilities that are otherwise impossible in my characters’ canon, and I certainly enjoyed the challenge in writing in different “voices”. Apparently, they weren’t enough to make me stay per se, but I’m sure those are the things that would make me come back.
What I won’t change for anything is how RP introduced me to cultures and personalities I wouldn’t have come to know. If in another avenue, like a plain ol’ social networking site, I wouldn’t have even approached these people. But the medium allowed for us to share something much more engaging and interesting than “A/S/L”. I have learned, and I am continuing to learn about my friends and their lives beyond the four walls I move in, and the soil I step foot on. My encounters, albeit virtual, are as real as they come and my world has become bigger and more colorful. That isn’t something that you can take away just like that.
For now, however, I would rather dedicate my energies to creative venues that I feel more at home with: drawing, singing and writing with a voice of my own. The characters I play will all have to take long naps for now. I hope that when I return to wake them, I will be able to give them richer voices. I hope then when I return, I will be able to play with my friends again and share new things with them, and make new ones along the way.
But for now, I need to say a fond “goodbye”, RP-land. See you when I see you.