Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by
the rules of someone else’s game
I was internally screaming: “Of all the songs, WHY THIS ONE??” I was so dead if they asked me to finish the song, because I can only sing up to the second chorus and I haven’t practiced the bridge to the ending and I was sleepy, and… and…!
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
To close my eyes and leap
Oh well, I just listened to what I was singing and just let it go. They cannot judge me for trying, and I guess I could not do worse than my auditions for my church’s music team, and I suppose I have undergone some improvement as I get to sing more often than before. I have learned new techniques by now, and there was no harm in putting them into practice, right?
It’s time to try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity
I think I’ll try, I’m defying gravity
And you won’t bring me down
I just made sure to open my mouth and consciously place the notes where they should be. I kept with the mantra in my head, “Just keep singing, just keep singing…” If anything, I can take pride in being in proper pitch.
When I closed my mouth, everyone in the room applauded. I could have probably dismissed the applause as polite, but the look on my batch mates’ faces and on that of the HR director was … well, I have to say that I don’t feel too bad about my singing!
And I was further surprised at what the director said: “You are actually good! That was a lovely song, thank you!”
The moment took less than five minutes, but I couldn’t believe how much pressure I had put myself in. I probably spent more energy stressing over the self-inflicted mold I set myself to fit in than actually singing.
Putting that short experience in words made me realize how much clutter I have going on in my head, when I should just be focused on one thing. I wasted energy in worrying instead of putting it into singing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticizing myself, but this exercise helped me put things in perspective.
It was a reminder to be kinder to myself, to believe in myself more, and truly put my trust in God, to let my voice soar and for my heart to defy gravity.
This is for Writing 101, Day 14: Recreate a single day.
Lyrics: Defy Gravity, as made popular by Idina Menzel, from the soundtrack of the Broadway musical, Wicked.